A girl after her mother's heart

Yesterday we did the usual morning routine... everything ran smoothly.

The kids and I walked Olivia into her school. She was hesitant to go into her class. I tried re-assuring many times, but it didn't seem to help. So, I walked in with her and brought her to some friends. She was still nervous. I kept trying to leave, but she would follow me out the door. She kept telling me, "I don't want you to go". I kept re-assuring her. Telling her I would be back and she would have so much fun. She felt nervous. And, I felt bad.

One last time, I went in a played with her and initiated an activity between her and some other little girls. She wasn't saying much. And, I recognized that look on her face - where she feels very awkward and uncomfortable. A huge part of me didn't want to leave her. I knew exactly how she felt, and I didn't want her to feel that way.

I left the room as soon as I had the chance. But, I peaked through the window of the door. She stood there for a minute...still feeling awkward and uncomfortable. And then, she looked around the room and noticed that I wasn't there. She turned her face to the wall and began to wipe the tears. Little did she know, her mom was just outside the door crying too. Good thing I was the only one in the hallway...no one saw me!!! Boy, did my heart ached for her.

I probably totally over-reacted, BUT I do wear my heart on my sleeve AND I only had a few hours of sleep that night. So, that is probably why I was over-emotional and just had no control! ha!

Just after noon that day one of the mom's volunteered at the school today. And, just as though she knew I needed it, she texted me a picture of Olivia with her friends at lunch. Smiling and happy. I was so relieved and felt so much better!

When I picked her up from school, Olivia excitedly told me that her teacher read them a story about a racoon who was nervous at school and didn't want her mommy to leave.... just like Olivia. She thought that was pretty cool. Olivia continued to tell me all about her fun day in Kindergarten! 

June 10

I've been really, really tired lately. Well, basically, I've been tired since last Friday. Not sure what it is. I decided I really need to exercise more. Aubrey and I went out for a brisk walk this morning (before Olivia was awake). This also allowed Wes to sleep in a bit since Aubrey is such an early riser and he has been the one getting up with her ever since I closed the dayhome. It was chilly enough for Aubrey to wear a toque, but it felt nice. She kept saying "I want out" (I'm thinking that is her favorite saying these days), so eventually I had to strap her in! ...probably should have done that in the beginning.

Grocery errands this morning and the girls did quite good...we even made it to two stores! ...yeah!

A book that I had ordered a few days ago arrived today. I came across this blog: 71 Toes.  I LOVE it. All about everything Motherhood...cooking, mothering, decorating, inspiring, etc, etc. I love it. Anyway, I decided to order the book she and her mom wrote: A Mother's Book of Secrets"....that is my Mother's Day gift to me...since no one else gave me one! ha! (I won't get into it here). ....   I'm super excited to read it and be inspired, up-lifted, and to get the most out of motherhood. It is the most important responsibility I have and I'm always up for learning ways to do it better!

We got to have the Missionaries over for dinner tonight (coincidentally planned long before Wes was called). I had accidentally overbook, so I ran out as soon as they came over, But Wes said it was a nice visit and dinner. We have a couple of good Elders in our ward. I'm looking forward having the Missionaries in our home even more and to be blessed with their spirit.

Where to begin?

It's been a while!

I'll try to catch up a bit...perhaps back-track, then catch-up...who knows!

Today is Mother's Day. I'm happy to be a mom. I'm grateful for my mom (on earth), for my mother-in-law (in heaven) and all those who have mothered me and my children.

There are times that I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job as a mother and then other times (like this entire weekend...) when I feel like I'm completely failing and have no idea what I'm doing.

What I do know is that I love my girls and am trying my very best.
I hope to be the mother they need me to be. 

Today Wes woke up more sick than he was yesterday...too sick for church! (and, anyone who knows Wes knows that he NEVER misses church....so, that means he's really sick!). I told him I couldn't go to church with both children by myself on Mother's day (of all days). I honestly was ready to leave one of the girls home with him. Eventually the girls and I got ready any made it on time. Sacrament meeting started out pretty good...and ended in the hallway, outside, back inside, in a room by ourselves  (more than once) and with a mom ready to just go home. We made until primary (phew!).

I was called today to be the Sunday School teacher for the 16 year olds. 2 in my class today. They are good kids. Quite different from being in Primary. I'm looking forward to it. 

Olivia started soccer 3 weeks ago. She plays on Saturdays. The first week went pretty good. The other two weeks she hasn't been very interested. We asked her yesterday, "Olivia, do you like soccer?" She replied, "No. I want to play soccer by myself." Hmmm. We are working on that one.  She is, however, very excited to play basketball (when she's 5) and we have registered her for Preshool starting in September.

Aubrey is just cute. Say's "ank-you" as often as opportunity allows (for everything), loves to sing, loves to wake up early, and loves to be "cozy"...loves having a blanket...even if it's a fleece one in the sun on a hot summer day! And she is very concerned with how other people feel. For example, at every meal time she'll go around the table and ask, "nummy mommy?" "nummy daddy?" ...I think she'll start asking Olivia as soon as she can say her name! Also, when she thinks I am hurt or that something happened she'll ask me, "ok mommy?". She gives kisses and hugs frequently and readily to   pretty much everyone.

I am 18 weeks tomorrow and have another ultrasound next week. Olivia is certain it is a boy baby and his name will be called "daddy". Today at church she told one of the men that "Mommy has baby daddy in her tummy". I don't think he clued in on what she was trying to tell him. It was pretty funny though.

Wes' painting business is going really well. He has just hired a sub-contractor and will be hiring a few more helpers in the very near future. 

My NuCerity business is going extremely well...couldn't be more grateful. I am closing my Dayhome this week...Wednesday at 4:30. I'm excited. It's time. It was great while it lasted, but now it's time to move on....in perfect timing for summer and the new baby!

I am a Stay at Home Mom!

Wes and I had a plan. And, everything was working out perfectly!! Before Olivia was born I was a Financial Coordinator at the University. We had found the perfect person to job-share with me when I returned to work after Maternity Leave. I would only work 2-3 days a week. The job was great, the office was wonderful, and they were totally on board, and setting everything up for me upon my return on November 1.

At the end of September I began to really weigh the pros and cons. Some of the pros: keeping my foot in the door, keeping my skills updated, having balance in my life, having extra income,  being around adults. Some of the cons: leaving Olivia, giving her inconsistency,  trying to find someone I trust to take care of her, the long commute, missing out on what she learns that day, the expensive daily parking, I am her mother, it is my job to teach her and nurture her.

As I thought about it, I just did not feel good about going back (even part-time). So, my choice was clear! Olivia needs me a lot more than the University does! I am so grateful that Wes supports me to do this.

Yesterday I would have been back to work, but was so happy that I got to be home. I woke up in the morning to a sick girl (again) and was so grateful that I did't have to hand her over to someone else to take care of. I held her extra long today, and cuddled with her more than usual (not a lot of playing, as she was sick and not in the mood to play). I got to be home with her, and was saved from guilt of "calling in" to work so I could stay home and take care of Olivia (on my first day back).

Anyone who has spoken to me recently knows the struggle I am having with Olivia and how picky she is being with food. I give her countless options for each meal, and all to often she just picks up the food (from my hand or the plate) and one by one throws everything on the floor. Her sippy-cup hitting the hard-wood floor is as irritating to me as nails on a chalk board! However, today was different. I thought about how annoying that behavior may be, but I was grateful that I was home to witness it and hear it! Yesterday, I enjoyed those struggles and hearing that noise.  ...my little angel....

I want to know exactly what she is exposed to all day, I want to be there for her always. I want to be there when she wakes up in the morning and when she goes to bed. I want to be there to play with her, dance with her, and sing with her.

Recently, I was speaking to some other mothers who had gone back to work full-time. They were telling me that in the morning they get their baby up and immediately stick them in the car with a bottle to take them to the babysitter for the day. Then, they don't get home until 6:15, and put their baby to bed at 7:00 or 7:30.   That made me feel awful. I would be heartbroken to only be able to see Olivia for 1-2 hours per day! I understand that some mothers just have to work, and may not have a choice to stay home. Wes and I have definitely  made sacrifices to make this work, but in the end it's all worth it.

Being a mother is not a glamourous job, but it is the most important. I LOVE what I do! (although, it is seriously hard and I am never really done for the day). I can always go out and find a "job" if I need to. A job can wait, Olivia can't.  I am her mother.

"The greatest work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home".
Harold B. Lee

 




















i think these pictures are just so cute! I broke off a banana chunk for Olivia to eat. She whimpered and I could tell she did not want it. I thought to myself "she probably wants to eat with whole". So, I gave her the banana with the peel still on. Sure enough, that's exactly what she wanted!...(I wish I got a better angle of the first picture so you can see just HOW excited she is!) After all, she is a big girl now! ;)